They will kill us and burn us still....

Beneath the facade of manners and culture and democracy still lies fear and persecution of the unknown and unfamilar. Its the American way in some respects, so FYI in our history we tended to hang witches rather than burn them. We have always condidered ourselves to be much more humane than our European breatheran.

Oh I should warn you right now that I tend to be over dramatic. It is one of my character flaws or perhaps it is a benefit. Either way I am in the middle of painful change, again. The thing that I am noticing acutely now is how much people live in fear and how they will do whatever they can to maintain their self constructed boxes of sanity. You push on those walls and they will lash out. You push on the walls of more than 3 or so of them and you start to get the mob; and they will hang you and burn you faster than you can say "freedom".

Part of me wants to push those walls, however; I am having enough to deal with in the tearing down of my own constructed walls of sanity, let alone anyone elses. Problem is when you begin your true path or the path to the black heart of innocence as we call it in my faith, others inevitably react to your personal work. We are all mirrors for one another. Right now I am dealing with extremes. In my lovers eyes I see my beauty reflected back completely. Blue fire lotus. Burning hearts. Goddess power. Intensity, love, desire. In those who I thought to be friends I see mistrust. I hear whispers around corners. Stories are made up and realties consturcted to fit the individual. Tension, entropy, anger and fear. Intensity. They are creating the burning stories, the witch hunt is beginning. Only four more days and then I start to weave my dissapearance. I hope I have enough time.

My problem is that I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I always want to see the beauty in humanity. I do see it but too often forgive or allow for the dispicable sides. It is something that I must work on. Balance. I am discreet about my beliefs, though not completely. My lover has a much stricter code of secrecy than I do. And I do get very loud in bars especially with Tequilla in my tummy. I grew up in a very open family and town and I often forget that much of the world would burn me and hang me if they knew all of who I am and all of what I desire.

What a contrast I am experiencing. This past weekend filled with beauty and love and experiance and magick and connection. So much so that I cried with passion and love and loss. So intense and then come Monday..... back to being a worker bee with all the bullshit and lies that goes with it. More intensity. The glances and anger and politics and rudeness and hate. Extremes. I am tired so tired of it all. I really am tempted to become a hermit in a cave. Studying old tomes, striving for Luciferian Gnosis and perhaps learning how to cook and forsaking all humanity. They irritate me a lot at the moment. Mabey I irritate me. Spiral, spiral, spiral...figure eight... circle connection. So little time. So off to Mongolia I go. Seeking and teaching, holding up different angles of the mirror. Liars liars liars, all of you dying in life alone. You diserve it because you create it. You have the power to change it but you give it away. You blame others. You join the herd.

Avoid the mob. Go underground. Preserve the knowledge. Heal yourself. Connect with those who understand and understand that they are very hard to find.

M

p.s. 4 more days then I will be happy go lucky Miss Maya again... but until then you can all go fuck yourselves.