Work no more, my art is whispering in my ear

Moving past the gauntlet, sliding by, sliding in between. The tension of transition is still present in my body. I will work now to release it through body work, meditation, walking, and writing. Yesterday was my last day of work at WFE. It has been a strange and interesting ride. For two years I have been in the music entertainment industry. Working as wardrobe maganger and sometimes designer to the company. I have traveled around the US working shows and parties, road managing our band and working backstage. I have met some of the most interesting fabulous people. Artists with much talent. I have also worked with amazing office staff. Last night the office took me to dinner and we had a wonderful time talking and laughing. I am really gonna miss those ladies. There have been rough times as well but that is just a cycle. After our dinner I came home and had a mental melt down and an asthma attack. Thank the Gods I found one inhaler. I haven't had to use it for a while. I am fine now but I am so tired of these intense crashes of emotion. I am overwhelmed right now. So much to do and to think about.

It is interesting too because when you enter into these times of crisis you really find out who your true friends are and those who are not. I have been absolutely amazed because people who I thought were my friends have abandoned me and then there are people who I thought did not like me or who were apathetic who have really stepped up for me in my time of need. Amazing. A blessing really all this strife and conflict. To see who really can go deeper with you, those who can span the fire and look you in the eye while you are in your pain and hold that gaze. I think it is part of the experience of being empathetic to others and not self serving. And if there is anything that Southern California is, it is a self serving Mecca. So many people alone and defending their fear.

Strange too, being alone. How afraid of it are we? Are we truly ever connected? Why do we run around in anxiety and fear all the time? See I think all the keys lie deep inside ourselves. I have said it before that we cannot have those deep connections with friends or lovers unless we are working on our own inner growth and sorting out our own demons. Our culture is pervasive with these "white picket fence" myths that keep us running around looking for the Prince when he or she was in our own hearts all along. (Gee mabey I should write a self help book....Gods help me). So what are our expectations? I think expectations can be dangerous. They mostly end up with you feeling dissapointed and angry because you really cannot control another human. Ok lover I know you can control people but it is not very nice!

So I feel art spiraling up. It has been pushing at my mind for days now. It wants to speak. Now I have no commitments other than the ones I want to have. And I have time....lots of time compaired to what I have had in the past. I have a few things to re-arrange and then I am going to go to the art store and get paper. I am excited to start. To paint. To create. And yes I have new and finished work. I will get it digitized soon and put it up here on this blog.

And I have been practicing my Mongolian......Sain bainuu!! (Hello!!) and Paka! (Bye!) I promise I will learn more....a lot more.... heh....

M