quick escape to the internet cafe...

Class ended early and I dashed to the internet cafe to get on-line for a bit. I may not have time on Friday because a bunch of us have rented a boat and we are going for a day long ride.... Holy crap a goat just wandered into the internet cafe!!!! Heh heh heh. Anyway..... I have been getting a steady stream of letters from friends and family and I just have to say THANK YOU!!! The letters are awesome especially now in training. Training is so frustrating and I am actually having a really bad day today. I try to keep these blogs up beat and humorous but today I think I need a public bitch session. First of all I am really frustrated with learning the language. It seems that I am at an inpass. When my language instructor talks at me I literally hear nothing. I black out and then I have nothing to say. Its like I have memorized the few survival phrases and now I am totally shut down. Everyone keeps telling me that the language will come but I cannot study like I want to because at the end of the day I am exhausted and my family is a bit hard to deal with...ie..the lack of personal space thing. Also the group dynamic of my language group is not good. We changed instructors because our first one did not know what he was doing but the people in my group are not a good mix for me. One guy is a language wiz and is learning it and taking to it really well so I feel very insecure around him. The other guy is totally apathetic and does not talk and the two other girls are these totally matcho "basketball" chicks who are best friends and I find myself shut out of the conversations. I really cannot relate to macho women who want to slap eachother on the back and take on the boys. So I just feel so out of place and it is driving me crazy!!!!! And 4-5 hours a day of language training is intense and I am overwhelmed. Actually I am supposed to be at a grammer meeting but I am ditching.Ha ha ha! Take that group spirit!! So what else is driving me nuts? Well my host mother for one. Nothing I do is right. I do not fold my clothes right. I cannot organize my things right. I read too much and write too much. It is bad that I do not know how to cook. I do not even open my windows the right way!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!! Also my family wants me to get my nose pierced and though I think that a pierced nose looks nice and used to have my nose pierced at one time. I am not really confident that the Bangladeshi piercing parlors are up to my definition of sanitary. Not to mention that I really do not want to have to deal with a healing piercing while I am dealing with all this other crap.

Ok I will move on for a bit. Back to the letters. Thank you all again. Also thanks to Heather! I had to think a bit when I got your letters because I could not remember you but then I did. And I wanted to address your "poop" questions. Because I am sure that many of you have "poop" questions but are afraid to ask. So here goes. There is no real sanitation system. Most neighborhoods or apartment buildings have these big "ponds" next to them into which the toilets from that local area drain. These ponds are also used as swiming holes by the local children. Yep. There are some culvert pipes which drain into the shanty towns so the really poor have raw sewage running through their yards and sometimes their houses. Some of the ponds are used to fertilize the rice paddys and this is called "night soil". Also in the market there are open "shit ditches" that run in front of every shop and parallel to the streets. Consequently, because of the lack of air in Bangladesh the smell is to a minimum. And really this is a land of no air, no breezes and no wind. It sucks because you are all that much more hot and sweaty. Also during the monsoon there are rivers of mud sewage everywhere so you just have to travel by rickshaw everywhere you go.

As far as my teaching goes that aspect is going rather well and I am feeling good about that. I guess just being this cooped up with the same people all the time is driving me a little nuts. So much for the living in a comune idea. Heh heh... Anyway, I miss being home of course but then again what would I be doing there anyway? Working for the entertainment industry? Working to just pay the rent? No. I need to do something I feel passionate about and I also need to be doing something that I feel is worthwhile. This is definately something I feel is worthwhile. And I know that some of you have been expressing concerns about my safety and well being. Being here is dangerous but than again being many places is dangerous. I believe that you cannot live life if you are afraid to walk out your door. And you know that I am stubborn and I am going to do what I want to do no matter what anyone says or does. So that being said. Don't be afraid for me. I made this choice. And what ever challenges arise I will deal with them and meet them. Also Peace Corps does a good job of insuring our safety and we are well trained on many different situations. This limits my freedom of choices but I am not in America and I am not here to try to bend this system, it is far bigger than I.

So my lovlies I miss you all very much and I will try to get on again soon. Mabey after Friday. And I really miss my chicas Cathy and Erin. You guys are gems! I cannot imagine my world without friends like you.

Oh yeah....no new nasty tropical disease developments......yet.......

M