Final Blog Entry in Bangladesh

It is with much sadness and regret that I write this last blog entry. 3 days ago Peace Corps suspended the program in Bangladesh. We have all been evacuated to Washington DC for assessment, medical and other burocratic processes. It became apparent after much tension and various incidences that Peace Corps volunteers were not safe in Bangladesh. For safety and security reasons as well as liability I cannot go into details here on this blog but I can tell you that volunteers were directly being targeted by the terrorist group the JMB. While Peace Corps does operate in numerous countries with terrorist activities, volunteers and foreigners tend not to be the targets. Safety and security is the number one priority for PEace Corps and our Director in Washington made the decision to suspend the program. You can read his press release here:

http://www.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=resources.media.press.view&news_id=1103

So how am I doing? Not too well at the moment and pretty much in shock. We were called with the information to evacuate and given 3 hours to pack and say our goodbyes. How do you say goodbye to people you have created bonds with, friendships with in less than 3 hours? How do you tell your 9 year old niece that you have to go back to America at this moment? How do you tell your students that you will never teach another class? You will never see the projects to the end that you started? Never see their progress and commend their successes? How do you tell your friends that your sorry for leaving even though you dont want to go? There wasn't enough time and I feel like my guts have been ripped out. And even though many of the people won't read these words that I want to read them I have got to say them anyway.

To Malik: What can I say? You were there the first minute I stepped off the bus at site. I did not know who you were but you knew who I was, seeing as I was the only white woman in the town. I was so scared when I got there not knowing where I was going to sleep that night or what was going to happen to me. But there you were with that goofy grin and you said. "Hello I am Abdul Malik your counterpart. Your host father is here to take you home." I remember thinking how short you were and how skinny. Over the next months you showed me patience and kindess and eventually love. You always helped me when I needed it and I know it must have been annoying at times to take me to the market again, or to help me with whatever situation I seemed to get myself into. But you always did help me with a smile on your face and eventually I felt like I was a part of your family. I especially felt so when your 4 year old little daughter came running yelling "Auntie Maya Auntie Maya"!!! and your wife and her sisters began to tease me the way they teased eachother. I remember how excited you were when you talked to my brother on the phone and how proud you were of me and could not wait to meet him when he came to Bangladesh. I remember too how you wept in my living room when I told you that I had to leave in 2 hours and go back to America. You did not want me to see you crying and so I did not look at you but I was crying too. You are my family Malik and of course I will never forget you.

To Nazia: You made me love kids. I know it must seem funny not to like kids when you went to college to become a teacher but I was used to teenagers. Little kids just annoyed me but you warmed my heart. I think I will miss you the most. I loved your spunk and your humor and how you never gave up at anything. I loved sitting with you drawing princesses and teaching you how to salsa and tango and I love that you liked mariachi music. I loved watching cartoons in Hindi with you and how you always wanted to do your English homework with me. I think I learned more Bangla from you than anyone else and had to laugh at myself when I mispronounced everything like when I called a cough an elephant, cough being "khashi" in Bangla and elephant being "hati" and how everyone thought it was so funny that now you all call coughs "elephants". You always wanted me with you and you were the neatest kid I ever met. The look on your face broke my heart when I told you I had to go back to America. I am sorry I had to leave you weeping and sobbing. I am sorry I had to take your arms from around my waist and push you away as I left. I am sorry to have left you and sorry I made you cry. I love you so much my little Nazia.

To my Students: I dont know how you all managed to show up so fast at the school that day but gossip really does travel fast. I am so proud of all of you. You all did so well in the class and were all so dedicated. You were the reason I stuck it out for as long as I did in Bangladesh. Because there were many days I just wanted to give up and go home. Everything was so hard there, everything a challenge. But then I would walk into the class and the stresses of the day were forgotten. I would see your faces and I knew why I had joined Peace Corps and why I was going to stay in Bangladesh. I would have fought the whole world for you. I tried. The internet class was your idea. The English Club was your idea. You guys had the drive and the desire I just was there to facilitate. But you inspired me and made me feel that all of this craziness was worth it. I will miss our classes and our time together very deeply.


There really is so much more I have to say but I am tired and not the best writer in the world. How can I explain to you reader what I have been through? I really can't. But that is the nature of experience isnt it? I don't know what I am going to do next I am still processing all of this and I am really really sad. I left a big piece of myself in Bangladesh and I am changed forever.

M